Cast Away or Jadesama's Birthday Special!
by Jai Ci
Summary: I attempt to swim to my dear friend's house for her birthday, but what perils await as I...attempt to swim the coast of the Atlantic Ocean!


Jossy: This story is dedicated to all of my friends back in VA, all of which I miss very much! Okay Nakani your turn!

Nakani: Jossy does not own Cast Away, Florida, Virginia, Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy VII or its characters, Titanic, Gan Ning---

Jossy: I wish I did though...

Nakani: ¬.¬;; Pocky, Alucard, Gumby---

Jossy: That shouldn't count, that's his real nickname!

Nakani: Would you stop interrupting me?! Or do you want to get sued?

Jossy: ....

Nakani: Ahem, Riku, Russia, Puerto Rico, the Bermuda Triangle, or the Atlantic Ocean.

Jossy: You forgot one.

Nakani: She doesn't own Wendy's either.

Jossy: So now! I present to you! Dun, dun, dun! T3h Story of D00m and Great Justice, aka:

Cast Away...the Jossy Version! or Jade-sama's Birthday Special!

"Very well! I shall swim to your house Jade-sama!" Jossy declared triumphantly as she dove into the Atlantic Ocean.

"Hey mommy, why did that fish with the blue coat jumped into the water?" a small child poked his mother who was in the process of tanning.

"Not now sweetie, mommy's trying to get a tan," the mother muttered half asleep.

So Jossy, swam, and swam, cursing as they tried to push her back. Eventually she became tired and started wondering things like how she was going to rest and eat, things she should've thought about before she dove into the ocean and tried swimming from Florida to Virginia. It was then she saw a boat. Well it was more like a yacht but she knew that it would be a lot easier than swimming. Suddenly her hair was fashioned into a mullet and a headband appeared wrapped around her head. She was in combat uniform when she jumped on the yacht and tossed all of the passengers off. "I'm Solid Snake, bitch!" she yelled as she drove off. 

Back in her normal clothes and hairstyle, Jossy wondered exactly how she knew how to work the boat. However, her attention was diverted by a small snake slithering across the floor of the yacht. Glad to have found a new friend, Jossy picked up the small snake and set it in front of the steering wheel. "There you go snake-ness!" A few minutes later, Jossy spotted a sign standing (yes, standing) in the middle of the ocean. "Now entering the Bermuda Triangle," she read. "Hmm, there's something I should remember about this place...hey! Is that an iceberg?!" 

A few feet in front of the boat was an iceberg floating in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. Well, not necessarily in the middle but I think you get the point. "What is a fsking iceberg doing in the Bermuda Triangle?!" Jossy shouted as she tried to steer out of the way. Unfortunately, however, the iceberg managed to scrape the back of the yacht which was enough for it to fill up, and lean back. It then snapped in half, before sinking to the bottom. Jossy swam to the surface of the water with the snake in her hand. Holding on to a piece of debris she place the snake on top. It lay there lifelessly. 

"Snake? Snake?! Snnaaaaake!!" Jossy screamed. Dipping it into the water she held back her tears. "I'll never let go Snake, I'll never let go." Placing it in the water the snake suddenly moved and swam away. "Bastard," she grumbled as she began swimming toward an island. 

"Gah!...Gan Ning?" Jossy gasped for breath as she reached the island. "Hmm, stranded. I must find a way out!" Jossy sat on the beach in deep thought as a crab walked by. "DINNER!" she shouted, as she pounced on the poor crab. 

Meanwhile, at Jade's house, Jade, Ki, and Duh-chan at in Jade's room eating pock. 

"Do you think Jossy's alright?" Jade asked, playing with Chibi, the stuffed mouse. 

"Yeah," Duh-chan replied drooling over a picture of Cloud Strife. 

"Mmmm, Alucard," Ki muttered. 

**~:*:~**

It had been a couple of days and still nothing came to Jossy. 

"It's all your fault S3ph3r-s4m4!" Jossy shouted as she kicked a tree with "Sephiroth" carved into it. Next to it was another tree with "Ki" carved into it as well as a bunch of others that said "Lady", "Gumby", "Duh-chan", "Jade", and "Joe Joe". It was hard to say if she was losing her mind considering she did stupid stuff like this almost all the time. She was, however, getting tired of eating nothing but crabs. Finishing off yet another one, she threw it at "Sephiroth" and it landed in a pile in front of "him". 

It was then a portal opened and Riku popped out. Jossy dashed over to him immediately. "Yay! Riku! Let's go to Jade's house!" 

The young man looked at Jossy as if she were crazy, which was actually quite possible that she was, and edged away. Jossy frowned, but then noticed that the portal was still opened. She grabbed Riku's hand and jumped in. 

**~:*:~**

"Ow!" 

"My back!" 

"My fro better not be messed up!" 

Jossy and Riku had conveniently landed in Jade's room on top of the three girls who were waiting for Jossy to show up for about two weeks now. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JADE-SAMA!" Jossy cheered. "Look at the present I brought you! ...Jade? Ki? Duh-chan?" 

"Under you!" Ki gasped. 

"Oops!" Jossy jumped up and pulled Riku behind her. 

"I've heard of being fashionably late but this is ridiculous," Duh-chan pointed out. 

"I'm not Russian, I'm Puerto Rican!" Jossy said proudly. "Get it? Russian, rushin'..." (cricket chirp) "Oh well! Jade, here's your present!" Jossy shoved Riku in front of her. 

"Oh it's so beautiful!" Jade squealed, hugging her present. Riku stood there completely lost. 

"Oh crap! I gotta be in school in an hour!" Jossy slapped herself on her forehead. It was in that moment the One-Winged Angel himself landed on Jade's front yard. "Ooo! Problem solved! Bye guys! Happy Birthday Jade-sama!" Jossy climbed out the window and after blackmailing Sephiroth, hopped on his back and flew off. 

"That's not fair! Why does she get to fly off with S3ph3r-s4m4?!" Duh-chan asked. So to make Duh-chan happy, Cloud appeared out of nowhere, in which Duh-chan tackled him and smothered him with kissed. 

So now, to appease Ki-sama as well, Alucard fell from the ceiling and bit Ki in the neck. While that may sound bad or gross to the rest of us, I'm sure Ki enjoyed it. 

**~:*:~**

"I'm tired! I need to take a break!" 

"For a sexy evil guy, you sure do complain a lot!" 

"Well for a skinny chick, you weigh a lot." 

"Ha ha! You said 'chick'!" 

"We're taking a break here!" Sephiroth announced as he flew down to an island. 

"Hmm, this looks familiar," Jossy thought aloud as she climbed off the One-Winged Angel's back. She looked around and noticed the pile of crab shells in front of the tree marked "Sephiroth". 

"We're in the Bermuda Triangle! You got us lost genius!" 

"What?" 

"I said we're in the Bermuda Triangle! Hey, which way did we come from?" 

"I don't remember." 

"Crap, what are we going to do?" 

"Don't look at me. Just end this story already, I'm hungry." 

"Yeah me too. Wanna get some Wendy's?" 

"Sure." 

~Fin! 


End file.
